Okay so it’s been three months of hiding. I dug in and I dug in hard. I’m trying to dig out and it’s hard. It’s dirty. it’s painful. The sunlight is blinding. It’s a scary world out here. But I am done hiding and trying to re-emerge into the world again. I am taking baby steps that feel like huge steps. I am trying not to just hide in my upstairs room and to actually get outside. I am going to the farmers market. I am going out shopping. I am seeing family. I took my son to his spring concert which he totally rocked at I am proud to say. Since I last saw you, I have become a pesco vegetarian which is a good step in the right direction both for the world and for my body. Less on the pesco more on the vegetarian. I even joined a local CSA this year so I have a good supply of fresh sustainable veggies. I am trying to express myself through art. I switched therapists. Not sure whether that was a good idea or not but I am still in touch with Dr. John so it’s okay. I am trying to normalize my lack of being normal and being down with that. Okay so there have been some major hitches like hallucinations and med issues and I am trying new meds yet again this week but for the first time in six months I actually got my psychiatrist to look at me instead of his computer. So that’s progress. I would tell you the story but you would have to really know me and my sense of humour to not be alarmed at my level of illness/wellness and my blasé attitude about it. I am just able to laugh about my issues or else I would continue to dig myself in further and never come out. And who can live like that? So that’s me. I am going to start updating my blog tonight with some of my attempts at artwork as well as some updates on some of my larger projects etc. It’s going to seem like it’s all over the place but right now that’s where I am so hang on for the ride and enjoy it or just hit the delete key and it’s all good.
Well the first day of 2013 was very promising. I ate healthy, got some exercise, did a little bit of cleaning, did something creative, and even sent a facebook message to a friend and talked to another one on the phone. So those are all good starts in the different areas I wanted to work on. A kick ass start. Yes it’s day 1, but I wanted to start right. I think one of my goals for the year is to learn to listen to my body and do what it tells me to. Like for example, when I was tired this afternoon, instead of fighting it and not getting all of my goals accomplished I lay daown, took a nap, and got up and finished wahat I wanted to do. I drank when I was thirsty. I didn’t eat when I wasn’t hungry. When I eat, I eat to satisfy my mind and don’t listen to my body and end up being sick much of the time. It’s quite shameful. This year I am goign to learn to listen to my body more and eat only until I am satisfied and eat when I am hungry, not bored or sad, or angry. So That’s a big goal for me this year, to listen to my body. Right now my body is telling me it’s tired so I am going to sign off and get some sleep. Happy New Year my friends.