Well as 2013 has begun, a relationship that has been very dear to me has ended. my three year relationship with my best friend and partner Paul, has dissolved. The relationship was past it’s prime and we were both fooling ourselves that it was ever going to be any more than what it was but it just took both of us to come out and have an emotionally painful series of disclosures to come to realise that where he is in life is not where I am in life and that my feelings are not shared by him. I want to be angry and hate him but I can’t. I do love him and I do want him to be happy as he wants me to be happy as well. I am sure once the dust settles, we will be on talking terms at least. Neither of us said anything deliberately hurtful, only truthful. But the truth hurts sometimes. But It is good to rid ourselves of relationships that no longer fit our lives and take up too much of our headspaces. Love shouldn’t hurt. It should be hard sometimes but it shouldn’t hurt. And this has been hurting me for a long time. it’s no ones fault. We are just two very different people living two very different lives. So I say to him to go with God’s grace and blessings and be happy. So now that this relationship is out of my life, I wonder what newness is entering? Maybe something good 🙂 I can only hope so.
This year is quickly approaching it’s end and the new year is quickly approaching it’s beginning. This year I am not as ambitious when it comes to specific resolutions. My two specific resolutions are to reach my goal weight for this year of 260 pounds. It is reachable, attainable and measurable. It is a goal I know I can meet and will not blow it. And when I meet and exceed it it will make me feel more competent. And if I just meet it and don’t exceed it, then at least I met my goal. My other goal is to set daily, weekly, and monthly goals that are specific and attainable to help me improve on my medical issues, my mental health, my physical health, my creative and artistic side, my financial situation, my relationships, and my environment. In order to do this I have purchased a planner to help set small achievable daily and weekly goals for myself and will document monthly goals as well in my journal and blog and document their progress. Ultimately my goal is to find balance and to help heal my life more than I have this year. I really have alot of healing to do and have no made much progress in doing so this past year. I really need to work on myself and bettering my life and there-for my husband’s, child’s, and best friends’. So that’s it!