April 4: Revolving Door Haiku

Revolving Door Haiku By Rose Dziorny

 

A revolving door

Slamming is impossible

Mocking me round and orund

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By The Inane and insane Ramblings of Rose Posted in Uncategorized

April 3, 2014: Dream Bed

Dream Bed By Rose Dziorny

A Bed

Supportive and soft as the green grass

covered in cold, crisp, white sheets

topped with a fluffy down cloud of warmth.

Mountainous pillows rest against

an ornate oak headboard.

Scents of eucalyptus and mango trees

waft through sunlit windows.

It was mine once,

Now tis but a dream.

By The Inane and insane Ramblings of Rose Posted in Uncategorized

Question of the day: Who Am I?

On the surface, this seems easy. I am a 32 year old wife and mom of a 10 year old boy. I am married to a 49 year old Aussie chef. I have a dog, a cat, and 7 guinea pigs. I love art, reading, music, watching tv, and haviogn a good time with my family. Seems easy enough doesn’t it? But when you ask someone who they are, is that really the sum of their parts? If you had asked me this three years ago I would have had a much better answer: I was a kick asss ER nurse saving lives and taking risks. I was confident and crazy and extroverted and hypersexual. I was a secret Dominatrix and not so secret BBW adult model. Then everythign came crashing to a hault. One day I was on top of the world, my career, my profession and my life and in complete control. The next mionute i was locked up in a mental hospital with the words Fuck you carved into my arms 100 times with an exacto knife. So what the hell hapened? I have no idea. I had always shown syptoms of Biplolar disorder. I would rip the house apart at random moments to clean and pganize. iw pould get hypersexual. i would drink and make poor decisions. But it took that clear scream of help for someone to notice how bad i was cracking inside. So now that i have comepltely cracked, all the kinds horses and all the kinds men are having a very hard time putting me back together again. So other than that basic info, I have no diea who i really am. i know somehwere inside of me lies a strong woman. Somewhere I hope. She may be lying on the ground but she is still there. I am a mother and i try my best. I am a wife and i try my best at that too. Inside I am a bal of chaos and that manifests itself externally through my environment and my relationships. Inside I am a scared tired sad young woman with moments of happiness, albiet fleeting. I have dreams and hopes but no motivation to follow them or ever follow through with any of my plans. I am a procrastinator full of excuses. Yet inside I am an artist hoping to learn to make art. I am a lover wanting to learn to love. I am a dreamer wanting someone to teach me how to dream. I have moments of shining clarity and moments of pitch blackness. I am me. I don;t know how else to explain that right now. I don’t like titles or lables or anything like that. So hear I am, just me. Hyponotizing chickens :>)

Neglected blog

Well, I have been neglecting my Blog. It’s not been delieberate. It’s just that i have had so much going on that I have had my head spinning and alot of it I have not wanted ot post about, like that friendship I talked about ending. It turned out not ending. It got comlicated and painful. There was lots of arguing and emailing and crying and stressing. We both agreed finally that we wanted each other in each other’s lives and we are better together than apart. But it was a painful way to get to that decision. Very painful. We are trying new tactics to not put pressure on each other and to slow down and back off and take it easy and just be who we are and let nature take it’s course. But like I said, the road to that decision was not an easy one. We went from makign a clean break to being together to being apart, to hating each other, to settling back into a pattern. It ook both of us to face our faults and it was not easy. But I think we are on the right path. Or so I hope.

Meanwhile my health has not been so hot. I go to the doctors starting this week for my Ovarian cysts and my abdominal issues and my mental health issues and go from there. I am hoping to fit in time to see my other best friend Katherine over the weekend or possibly next weekend. It will be nice to spend some time with her. It’s been six months since I last saw her and though I talk to her most nights of the week, it’s not the same as face time. But I am not sure i will be well anough for the long drive there and then spending time with her without getting sick.

Meanwhile, I want to start gettign active again with Bookmooch, postcrossing, open and etsy store, and start selling things on ebay and trading things on Listia. I want to start downsizing and making some room and makign the most of what i have and hopefully get some things I want as well in the process.

I have been active with my ATCs and with trading Junk journal and smash book supplies. I have 12 envelopes waiting to get sent out. I will scan in some of the new cards and post the results later on. I really would like to take some classes and become more creative though. I am using alot of premade supplies and I want to make my own supplies and more of my own designs, not that the designs themselves arent original, but using premade products like stickers and photos makes it easier to do the work and I feel it’s kind of like cheating. I’d like to make my own paper and paint my own backgrounds and draw my own figures if possible. i boughts some books. i should use them.

I am also going to start answering a question a day. I have 200 of them from surveys and online journal prompts already on my computer but if you have any of yoru own, feel free to email them to me at rosedzi@ptd.net or post them in the comments section at any page at any time and I will answer them. They can be questions about me, my thoughts, my opinions, current events that you might want to discuss, anything is an open book. My life is open to you so give me a shout about anything at any time.

Well that’s it for now. I promise I will be on every day from now on except for when I am away and do not have internet access. Love to all.

Rosie

30 Days of Truth: Day 16

Day 16:

Someone or something you definitely could live without:

Bills. Definitely bills. I could live without all of the stress of constant bills coming in all of the time and worrying about week to week how to pay them. I know they are a necessary evil But I could still live without them.

As for someone I could live without, I could definitely live without people who spread a message of hate and intolerance in the name of God and religion. God loves everybody. God created everybody. God certainly isn’t going to hate somebody because of who they love.

Hello world!

Hi, my name is Rose and I am a 31, soon to be 32 year old wife and mom of 1. My husband, Pete, is 49 and australian. We met over the internet and in person while I was in oz studying Marine Biology and later, nursing science. My son, Liam, is 10, and is a typical 10 year old boy. He loves bikes, playstation 3, shooting, fishing, and general outdoors things. I porginally started a journal at th beginning of the year called my resolution revolution which entialed 37 resolutions for the year. So that did nto end up quite as I planned. I am Bipolar and am not shy about it and that was written and started being undertaken in a very large upswing. Once the down hit, so did the crash of the resolutions. I realize now that I set myself up for a big fall and deliberately did not do some of the things on my list just to spite myself. Lame huh. So this is a new page where I can just express where I am, set up reasonable challenges and write about my progress with them, and go from there. I hope to get something accomplished along the way. I may seem kind of boring but sooner or later you will find out that indeed I do march to the beat of my own drum.

Rosie