Practice in Zentangles

Today I practiced my Tangling with color and letters. I used several tangle patterns including ocean waves, lace curtains, eddy, snood, and fins. For color, I used Copic markers and Fineliners.

Zentangle C

Zentangle C

 

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Art: Loosely used term for the love of my life

Art has become a big part of my life. It is therapuetic. it is healthy. it helps me to experiment. it helps me to feel productive. It keeps me tryign new things. It keeps me in contact with the rest of the world through swapping. It has allowed me to spread my wings and start creatign where I didn’t think i could create anything. I am gettting a little bolder and doing more and more by myself. My favorite types of art so far are ATCs, Zentangles, watercolor, painting, collage, assemblage, altering photographs, making postcards, and smash booking though i am sure I could name far more. Oh yes and altering composition books with materials like duct tape and stickers. So my art work though losely called that is going to be a major part of this blog as well.

30 Days of Truth: Day 26

Day 26:

Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

I have had my dark days when I cannot see the light. I have days when I cannot get out of bed. I have days when I think it would be so easy to just never get up again. Those are the days when my illness has the better of me. When life seems to overwhelming. When things just aren’t working. When memories are too painful or situations are too frightening or the future just doesn’t seem promising. But then I see my son, and I know I wouldn’t give up on him for anything and giving up on life would mean giving up on him. And that just is not an option. Not ever.

30 Days of Truth: Day 25

Day 25:

The reason you believe you’re still alive today:

The reason I believe I am still alive today……. A major reason is my son. He has kept me going when I wanted to give up and I would never want to do anything to ever hurt him, not ever. I couldn’t. so I keep going. Another reason is my sheer stubbornness. I refuse to think that this is IT, that this is the best that it can get. It’s HAS to get better. It was better once before and it can be again somehow. And in terms of health and accidents, I believe dumb luck has a major place to play in it. My major car accidents, I came very very close to dying but somehow I walked away. When I had my surgery last year, for whatever reason, the lab tech came in early to take my blood and found me not breathing. If he hadn’t come in early, I would have died.  Part of it is also the knowledge of the people around me. Had he not been a paramedic and had my friends who worked the floor not been skilled nurses and responded appropriately and immediately again, I would have died. And when I was on the ventilator and contracted pneumonia, I got very very ill. But my doctor knew what he was doing, whether my surgeon did or not. And yes I have to have the surgery again and I am scared to death because the surgeon didn’t do his job the first time.  And I am afraid to die after the first experience. But somehow I know I have that many people who love me and depend on me that I won’t die.  Good energy and vibes and prayers and everything that goes out into the universe makes a difference and I have a lot of that behind me. I am not invincible but now I know what to look for and how to take extra precautions and will have people with me around the clock to make sure that if anything goes wrong within a moment’s notice that I will be safe.

30 Days of Truth: Day 13

Day 13:

A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough-ass days:

This is a hard question. I love music and there are so many bands and songs that have gotten me through hard times.  There are some country artists like Lady Antebellum, Lonestar, and Blake Shelton. There are some less known but very rocking female artists like Storm Large, Dar Williams, Marion Raven, and Megan McCauley. There are some more popular artists like Jason Mraz, Rihanna, Sara Bareilles, Pink, and Avril Lavigne.  And of course, there are those classic rockers like Alice Cooper, KISS, ACDC, and The Sweet. But really music is so much a part of my life and inspiration that it is to hard to pick one artist, band, or song that has gotten me through. My tastes change so often and are so often reflect my mood.

30 Days of Truth: Day 7

Day 7:

Someone who has made your life worth living for:

There have been so many people who have touched my life in so many ways but I think the biggest person who has made my life worth living is my son, Liam. He has actually been my reason for living many dark days. He has kept me going and kept me trying because I would never want to do anything that would hurt him. But on a brighter side, he is also one of the smartest, funniest, kindest kids I know. He is older then his years. With my illness, he has had to do a lot of growing up ad he has taken it all in stride. He even makes sure I am okay some days which is a little sad because no kid should ever have to do that. But he always asks if I am okay. He knows about my illness and is not afraid of it. He asks questions and gets age appropriate answers (He’s 10). We have never hid anything from him because that would be scarier for him. He knows I take medicine and he knows I go to therapy and it’s normal for him to ask, “Are you going to John’s today?” He knows my therapist and is okay with him so it’s not scary for him that I go. If I am not feeling well, he asks if he can lay down with me in my bedroom and watch movies. And he tried to normalize my illness even if he doesn’t know he’s doing it in his own way. When I had to go to the emergency room for vomiting, we were in triage and the nurse was asking me questions. She was taking a health history and my son says quietly to the nurse, “my mom is a little crazy too. She doesn’t like to talk about it though “ He wasn’t being mean. He just didn’t want me to be embarrassed. The nurse smiled and said, “kid we are all a little crazy.”  He said “Yes, but my mom sees the doctor for it. “ When we got into the patient room, he asked me” I did good right mom? I told her so you didn’t have to tell her because I know you don’t like to.”

When he goes to the corner shop, he always brings me home some chocolate with his own money.  And if he is ever making something for himself he always asks if I want something. He always takes my dish into the kitchen with his if he is going into the kitchen. He goes on adventures with me and laughs with me when I get hopelessly lost. We go to all of the animated movies together and even some action movies.  He likes to bake with me and we do crafts together. He is a creative and funny kid who, even though sometimes he drives me batty, I love with all my heart.  Some of the things that come out of his me and his interpretations of what I say make me laugh my butt off. One day he asked me what an ovary was after he saw an commercial on tv about ovarian cancer. I told him it’s where Mommies make eggs. He asked” People can lay eggs?” Oops. That was a conversation I has to clarify a while bunch of things. Last week we were out to dinner and I was talking about how a team of crack elves come in before Santa to prep the house like in Prep and Landing, the TV show. He immediately got very concerned and started arguing. I finally realized what he was saying. When I said “Crack Elves” I meant a crack team of elves. He thought I meant Elves who were Crack heads or drug addicts. He watches way to much COPS on TV.